Kedua

I have made up my mind and I have come to a conclusion.

"Live for the day and die tomorrow, not today. Not today"

This is a short lived conversation I had in the car earlier:

+ Do you really think that I dun have such feelings? 

- Nope, I thought you don't have it in you.

And there's a long pause. As I was debating with myself on the topic.

Jealousy. 

Truth be told, yes, I'm a freak when it came to that. I'm the jealous type.

Even with my siblings, or relatives or closest friends, I sometimes feels it.

But, since the last route I've taken, I don't really 'feel' it anymore. As if I'm numb.

I can still utter the feeling that I have yes, but it's just a mere adjective.

Deep down in my heart, I don't feel it.

Some dumb blondes told me, if it's ain't jealousy, it's ain't love.

I would rather receive a modest amount of attention for the tiniest span of time rather than getting all the 'Wh-Questions' and 50 missed calls on my mobile.

I can remember in the past I would investigate, initiated and infuriated over a hunch I got from a glimpse of a name that flashes on my partner's mobile, or a subtle hints of a cheap parfums.

That is so negative and it take whole lot of work and it will drain me of what little energy I had.

Then, there's this time, when you realised, there's nothing you can do anymore.

'They' does not belong to you, no matter how hard you tried to convince 'them'.

'They' were never yours. The sooner you realised, the better you will feel.

Then you will come to this point, where you give your all to the Lord Almighty and just follow what have been chartered for you.

Does it make me empty? Does it make me lonely? Does it make me cry?

I know one thing it does for sure - a calmer life.