You know that torn feeling?
The one where you really, really want him to read your blog and at the same time, you wish to remain hidden for as long as possible?
Aah.. how I wish.
I know for a fact, he will not stumble into here. He is far too busy for bloghopping. But, Im way too cautious, I will not jeopardise whatever we are having right now for a cheap thrill of a blog post.
I hope he wont find me here.
Hehe.
"No matter what you are.
You are never fake."
I dun have to pretend Im someone else.
I dun have to live in a fairy tales life.
My life is real.
My struggle is true.
My pain is irrelevant.
I caught myself looking at you.
And I saw self pity.
Yet I dun pity you.
You bring all these upon yourself.
I am real.
My profile picture is real too.
Gone were the days where I would use cartoon characters or someone else photo.
I have grown up.
I have mature in some ways.
But hey. Im still the same person that you have known me for.
Im still as cheerful. As gay. As happy.
Again I caught myself looking at you.
Your effort in return for attention.
Your drama in return for affection.
Well, Im not even trying.
And this thing right here, aint a game.
We are not competiting. Its not a competition. And he is not a trophy.
Yeah, how I pity you.
I hope you will find solace.
If happiness you seek, I hope you will find it.
I hope it will never too late for you.
To find love in the correct places with the correct person.
At least, that's what you need to do for yourself.
Tidak menzalimi diri sendiri.
And B. Get well soon.
