Keempatpuluhenam

Vague is 2015. 

Like really, I was asking myself what I have done in 2015. And, I need help from Mr Zuckerberg to remind me what had happened in the year 2015. Here a recap:

1. January 2015. The Kluang Hoax. I will not be a victim. Ever. Not anymore. Lesson learnt.

2. February 2015. The Malacca Getaway with Roger. No repeat though, not looking forward too.

3. May 2015. The Langkawi Trip. Awesome. Might repeat but different venue.

4. July 2015. The Birthday Bouquet. Thanks for being the year highlight. Lybsm.

5. August 2015. Raya Haji dan Ibadah Korban yang pertama. Alhamdulillah.

6. December 2015. Really moving on from past relay.

Thank you 2015. You have been awesome. I have made it through. It could be hateful, it could be cruel. But I made it baby. Thanks to you.

I

I think I have fallen for you.

Keempatpuluhlima

Easy for them to judge, and go on with their life.
And their judgment, lingers.
Their words, shreds what little courage and confident that I have.
I cannot be like them for I am weak.
But if being weak keeps my sanity and dignity, I would rather be a weak person.
I can't help myself but to compare.
I will never be as succesful as them.
There are things that stopping me.
And I want, really, to be stopped.

Keempatpuluhempat

How I wish I could free fall.
No fear or whatsoever.
Empty, peace of mind.
Embracing the moment.
But, I am afraid.
Not just falling.
But the idea of falling itself.
Torture.
I feel myself leaving my sanity behind.
I wish somebody will catch me.
Figuratively.

Keempatpuluhtiga

In 40 days.

Where would you be.

What will happen to me

I pray for you always.

Since the first day til now.

Look what we got.

Here it's evidence.

Love unconditionally.

Cherish every moment.

You are always near.

You are here.

Forever in my heart.

Please.

Dun give up on me.

Dun let me be.

Keempatpuluhdua

Yesterday was my first of many.
Hopefully I will be consistent.
I have invested a lot.
And I know.
You will be there to give me support.
And I will be here giving my all.

This is my new year resolution.

Keempatpuluhsatu

Ever since that day I have spoken.
For you, I will stop waiting.
My world take a pause.
I did not realised until I weep.
I was broken.

I thought I would be happier, but Im not.
I thought I would be free, but Im scared.

Too much temptation, for I am weak.
Better to wait for you than to weep.

Keempatpuluh

True, I am an emotional wreck.
At times I will cry while watching movie.
Or reading books. Regardless if it's a happy or sad ending.

Growing up, I cried a lot too. I can't stand watching my siblings cried, I will end up crying too.

I don't choose the time to cry as sometimes it is on impulse.
I don't choose to take offence either.
Maybe because I am a bit weak today, makes me extra sensitive and I am bawling like a maniac.

I know you dun mean it. Or you were saying it in a good way. You never hurt me. If you did, it was never your intention. But baby, today, I was hurt.

And you will never found out why.
I will make sure of it.